The Complexity of Toilet Paper

The Energy Exchange: How Overthinking Drains Your Power

• Complexity • Season 1 • Episode 5

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Have you ever felt your energy drain away when caught in a spiral of overthinking? Ever wondered why some people seem to radiate power while others struggle to make decisions? The secret might lie in understanding power as energy transfer.

In this illuminating conversation with Tobi Kinsel, founder of The Radiant Key, we dive deep into the physics and metaphysics of personal power. Tobi shares her journey from growing up in an emotionally abusive home—where perfectionism became her shield—to discovering how energy healing and leadership coaching could transform her relationship with power. Her insight that "power is the rate at which energy is transferred" offers a revolutionary framework for understanding our interactions, thought patterns, and emotional states.

The connection between overthinking and power loss becomes crystal clear as Tobi explains how mental spiraling creates a low vibrational state that affects not just our decision-making but our physical well-being. She offers five practical techniques for breaking free from overthinking: changing your body temperature with ice, grounding practices like barefoot walking, physical movement to shift energy, journaling to externalize thoughts, and trusting your intuition over analysis.

What's particularly fascinating is how Tobi bridges two seemingly different worlds—leadership development and energy healing—to create a holistic approach to personal empowerment. She explains how leaders unknowingly transfer their energy to teams, how asking for help paradoxically builds rather than diminishes power, and why self-awareness is the foundation for all meaningful change.

Whether you're struggling with overthinking, trying to reclaim your personal power, or simply curious about the energetic dimensions of human experience, this episode offers profound insights and practical tools. As Tobi reminds us, "You are the radiant key" to unlocking your own potential. Join us to discover how to stop giving your power away and start channeling it toward what truly matters.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobi-kinsell/

IG: @the.radiantkey



Speaker 1:

Sometimes I wish we could go back to a time when things weren't so complicated.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to the Complexity of Toilet Paper, the podcast that dives into the everyday moments where we overthink, hesitate or just get stuck. I'm overthinking, I'm over, I'm overthinking. Let's hear it for the toilet paper Through honest conversations, unexpected insights and a whole lot of humor. Your hosts, phyllis Martin, mark Pollack and Al Emmerich, are here to help you roll with it and make your life a little less complicated. One conversation at a time, that's right, dude. The beauty of this is its simplicity. Speaking of which, it's time to enter the stall, put the lid down or not, depending get comfortable and roll with it. Oh worry not, dear friend, it's really quite simple. This is the complexity of toilet paper, of toilet paper. The complexity of toilet paper is in your ears. We are here to unpack life's mysteries and before we unpack the concept of power today, let's toss it around the horn. Use a little bit of baseball reference. I'll tell you why in a minute. But Phyllis Martin or I guess you've typed in the name Virginia Blue- I have.

Speaker 2:

Is it just a random thing?

Speaker 4:

No, Virginia Blue is my alter ego and she is bohemian and wise and carefree and says whatever she wants to. Very impactful, I love it.

Speaker 2:

So to set the stage, we don't rehearse our opens, we don't know what like, we type our own names in, just like when you do a Zoom or whatever, and so we're early in the game here and I have no freaking clue what damn name's going to pop up with Phil Smart, because what were the other names? Cookies, mcgee, cookies, mcgee, cookies, mcgee.

Speaker 4:

Puns galore.

Speaker 2:

Puns galore. Oh wait a minute. There was Dirk Flushworth or something like that.

Speaker 4:

No, that was you I pulled it.

Speaker 2:

That was me.

Speaker 4:

Mark, what was yours? I don't remember.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, all right, so I'll just tell you super quick up this past weekend in preparation for recording with our guest today, who's talking about power, because I was back umpiring. I haven't done that in a while. But a huge baseball fan loved the game, played it, coached it. My kids played at a high level college as well and, gosh, I just I saw the beauty of these boys and the joy of the game and the laughter. But I also, thanks to the two of you in this show, was sucked into this vacuum of oh my gosh, this is far too complex. Coaches were giving these instructions and thoughts and ideas like you've got to remember, man, keep your brain focused on this and remember, tune out that and don't do this. And it's like these are 12-year-olds, my God, and I was one of those coaches who thought I was going to cite war and peace wisdom to these kids and their brains just became mush. And so can we do a show on the complexity of coaching at some point?

Speaker 2:

absolutely actually so you mark you 100. You had an idea mark about doing sports. That's going to be a whole.

Speaker 3:

We haven't even unpacked that oh, man, the, the, the complications that are happening in the sports, from coaching to technology, to you name it. It is not the sports that we played as kids, that's for sure.

Speaker 2:

Phil, what was that big expression we just saw?

Speaker 4:

I want to tell you but I can't think of the name of what it is that I want to tell you has gotten complex. So if, when I think about it, in 20 seconds, I'll, I'll rip it out, jump in. I'll just jump right in and say it Well speaking of jumping right in. The transfer portal.

Speaker 2:

The transfer. Oh yes, oh yeah, and I know who to do, I know who to invite, I've got to. Okay, all right, we'll save that one for the future.

Speaker 4:

You didn't even have to wait 20 seconds on that one, no we didn't.

Speaker 2:

And Well, today it's about power and if you're just listening for the first time or not, each of us Mark, Phil and I have all discussed different topics to bring to the stall, and Idris will transgress these at some point over time, but Phil chose power for this show. So, Phil, why power and who's our guest?

Speaker 4:

So I've always found power to be very interesting. There's all kinds of power and I've been obviously on a journey to to reclaim my own power and to use it for good. And then I've always, like most of us, have been in situations where maybe we have been in situations where somebody has taken our power or we've let somebody take our power. So I was very interested to just bring somebody into the stall that might be willing to have that conversation with us.

Speaker 3:

Can I just tell you that when you brought forward power, I really didn't put it into this box. I really didn't know where to go with it, and the more that I was reading about our guest and the more that I was actually thinking about how this power impacts all of us and moves through all of us, it just I'm completely intrigued about this conversation and what our guest is going to talk about and the tips and ways that we can reclaim our power.

Speaker 2:

Toby Kinsel is her name and Phil. What's the connection and why Toby?

Speaker 4:

Toby and I worked together many years ago. We've probably known each other for 20 years and when I first met her, I just knew she was somebody I needed and wanted to be in my life. And the truth of the matter is I sent out a Facebook post as we were getting ready to launch the podcast and after I hit post I started sweating because I was nervous and it wasn't pretty. And about 30 seconds later she texted and said I can't believe you're doing this. I just am getting ready to launch my own business, the Radiant Key. And here's the website. And I immediately went to the website and knew right away she was the person we needed to come on the show and talk about power, what's her take?

Speaker 2:

Obviously, she's going to give us the lowdown, but from your perspective, as one of the hosts of the show, what's her take and why is she behind the microphone and in the stall with us?

Speaker 4:

She has managed to bring together, I think, two critical aspects that interplay off of each other leadership and power, and the other is energy and power and the transfer of energy in and out of people, the things we do, the way we act, the messages that we send, and how overcomplicating or overthinking things actually takes away our power, and what that transference of energy really does to us on a physical and emotional and social level.

Speaker 2:

There's a lot to unpack there, but we're not going to unpack it. Instead, we're going to let Toby unpack it as we step into the stall. You both ready to do this thing? I'm ready. That does not sound encouraging.

Speaker 4:

I am so beyond ready. I'm ready.

Speaker 2:

That's a Virginia blue ready. I like that.

Speaker 4:

All right, virginia blue is ready.

Speaker 2:

Like last week, this is the complexity of toilet paper. Let's stall it up, shall we? The complexity of toilet paper. Let's stall it up. Shall we Welcome into the stall Toby Kinsel? This is the complexity of toilet paper. And did you ever figure a day in your life where you would say I'm going to be hanging with people talking about toilet paper?

Speaker 1:

No, and I'm not sure how I feel about the scent in the stall. Still trying to figure that one out.

Speaker 2:

Hey, we just need to give a disclaimer here. No stalls were harmed in the recording of this show and everybody's scent is their own because we're all over the world. So, toby, I hate to throw this down, but, man, you need to check yourself. Your home studio is not in good shape, I mean, and if that is your bathroom, that is the most ornate bathroom I've ever seen.

Speaker 1:

It's got books, awards and plants. This is my office and you made me unplug my essential oils that I had to bring the vibe in.

Speaker 2:

Could you imagine going into a? That would be so funny. You go into a public restroom and you bring in like essential oils.

Speaker 3:

You mean, you don't do that?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, no, mark, we don oils. Yeah, you don't do that. Yeah, no, mark, we don't. We don't. Well, traveling with mark new things you didn't know, you know needed to know. Well, welcome to it. Uh, phyllis has given us a a wonderful background, if you will, but obviously we want to know more from you. Um, but let's just cut to the chase really quickly, because Phyllis dropped this on us and Mark, I don't think it would be inappropriate to start off a show about power if we first said what's going on with Tushy?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I mean, that really was my first question.

Speaker 2:

I mean, if we're going to break this show down, you could say thanks to Virginia Blue I know, right, yeah, I think you can't talk about Tushy without talking about Virginia Blue.

Speaker 1:

That's exactly right. Yeah, phyllis and I used to work together and I don't. We were sitting at a table talking and I don't remember what we were talking about and I just casually mentioned that my alter ego was Tushy and she goes oh, that's like my alter ego, virginia blue, and that's just how it is, is how it is. So, yeah, I, you know, I will bring in Tushy because it is appropriate that she is here in the stall today with all of her booty fabulousness.

Speaker 2:

Oh okay, phyllis, you've you've given us a number of names so far in our episodes, so I'm I'm hoping that we're just going to have a litany of names for you years down the road.

Speaker 4:

There's, there's just, I'm just never going to stop. But since Tushy was coming, I felt like Virginia Blue, who is really more bohemian than I am but very sharp and clever and very, very wise and doesn't take a whole lot of crap.

Speaker 3:

I can just envision, tushy, when you're out giving autographs one day, that it's on like a toilet seat or something and you know it's just just Tushy.

Speaker 2:

There you go.

Speaker 3:

I like it I mean I can't think of a better way to talk about power than talk about taking all of the power through a name, and that's a pretty powerful name.

Speaker 2:

So, toby, first of all, walk us back a little bit. We've got this great sense of your energy, your scope of your rich talent 30 plus years leadership, consulting, coaching, and now this new launch. So give us your elevator speech, your elevator pitch about this new company. What power means to you? We've obviously want to unpack the role of issues as it relates to complexity, but walk us back and give us your elevator story.

Speaker 1:

Well, my new company is called the Radiant Key and our mission is to empower people to unlock their true potential. And I do this through leadership, coaching and energy healing. While two very different modalities, they are combined through a shared mission to guide clients through removing barriers, uncovering strengths and nurturing growth. And I came to this really through a loss of my own power. I grew up in a home that was emotionally abusive and I didn't realize at the time it was emotionally abusive. I just thought it was really strict.

Speaker 1:

But as I've gotten older and realized it's not normal to get yelled at if you spill milk or make a mistake, I've realized that it was quite emotionally abusive. And what happened because of that is I became a type A perfectionist, because when you're a perfectionist then you don't make mistakes or get in trouble. You don't make mistakes or get in trouble, and that resulted in a lot of overthinking through the years and questioning whether or not I could even make a decision, make the right decision. I always questioned myself because I did not grow up sure of myself, which led to what many women do we find a man who does the same thing as our childhood did, and that ended in divorce.

Speaker 1:

And when that happened I realized that I had lost myself and any power that I had along the way, and in taking that action I reclaimed my power and that was the first time that I started seeking energy healing, because therapy is great and it's a wonderful modality and I encourage it for everyone and I've had it throughout the years. But energy healing can get deep within to things that you don't know aren't even there. So that was my first experience with energy healing. Who had fears, low self-esteem, different types of things within that would affect the power that they forced on people? So observing leaders that weren't as effective as they could be then motivated me to become curious about leadership. So I obtained a leadership coaching certification because I want to empower leaders to be their best selves and to walk down a journey of self-awareness so they can bring their best selves to work. So that's the story in the background of how I ended here.

Speaker 2:

You quote. There was a quote that I read in some of your work power is the rate at which energy is transferred and that was just mesmerizing to me. I used to work in the field of domestic violence with a shelter in Jacksonville, florida, and first of all, as a survivor, you know, kudos to you, and you could have done a lot of things with that experience that never led you to this wonderful place. So congratulations on that journey and thank you for sharing that with us. But walk us through, because the word of power is the rate of which energy is transferred. It sounds like you had a negative transference of power and now you're trying to turn that into a positive transference.

Speaker 1:

That's right and you know, physics is a great thing and I love that equation and thinking about power in that way. It's that equation is meant to be about. If you push a plate off the table or you're pushing something up a hill, you know how much power, how much energy does it take to do this? And but when you think about it, related to the actual energy within our bodies and our emotions and our behaviors and how those are transferred to others, we are human transfers. We can take energy in and we can transfer it out. And when you think about it in that way, it has such a profound impact not only on those around you but on yourself.

Speaker 1:

This podcast is about overthinking. So you think about that moment that you're in the overthinking spin and you're spinning with all of these thoughts and can't decide which way to go. That's creating an energy within yourself, the spinning energy, and it just doesn't stop until you stop it. And when you think about leaders, for example they come into a meeting disheveled, stressed, not paying attention, distracted. That then projects an energy on the people around them and that transference of energy creates a reaction in that person. So there's incredible power in thinking about how you transfer and absorb energy.

Speaker 3:

So, toby, when, when you talk about that leader, I can visualize a leader standing in front of a room disheveled, how will that leader know, because sometimes, when you're in it, you don't see it? How will that leader know that their energy is out of?

Speaker 1:

alignment of why I come to leadership coaching, and that is self-awareness. Because you're right, al, not many people are aware of the energy or conscious or even thinking about what they're bringing into a meeting or a one-on-one with a person or a workshop or a presentation. They're stuck within themselves and again going back to the overthinking cycle. When you're overthinking, you're stuck within yourself and self-awareness is really the first step and key in developing one's leadership. You have to be aware of yourself and how you're affecting others. I do that through using the EIQ assessment, the emotional intelligence assessment. It's a great tool to measure how aware you are of yourself and how aware you are of others.

Speaker 4:

In that, Toby, there's something in when we were preparing for this that that you really drilled this concept of power down to and and, and I think it's important because there's so many different ways we could talk about power. But can you share a little bit about what you really said, that how overcomplicating things and how overthinking things actually takes away our power and what that really means if we can't have an intersection of that behavior?

Speaker 1:

So many people feel like they are stuck and I've definitely had those moments in life where I described it as walking through mud. Nothing seemed to flow or go. In a way that felt like the momentum was behind me, and often in those moments I was focused on how the environment around me was affecting me. So I can't do this thing because of this person, or I'm stuck in this job because I have to have a job, because I need to pay my mortgage, or I'm in this marriage that I don't want to be in, but I want to stay here because of my child and I can't get out.

Speaker 1:

You often, as you're overthinking, are thinking of all of the reasons why you can't do something. And when you stop that and there are a lot of ways we can talk about how you stop that in the moment but when you stop that and you ground yourself and you realize there are many actions I can take, in this moment I actually have power. I can seek help, I can talk to a friend, I can go to therapy, I could go to energy healing. I could say yes or no to this. Instead of thinking about the gray and all of the options. Sometimes the answer is just yes or no to this.

Speaker 1:

Instead of thinking about the gray and all of the options, sometimes the answer is just yes or no. Should I stay or should I go? You have power in one simple action. For example, I recently am getting ready to leave a full-time job to launch into this business. To leave a full-time job to launch into this business, and I had a huge fear over losing, you know, an income that I relied on, and I was with an intuitive who said you have to trust and you have to have faith. Even trust and faith can be something that you stand on.

Speaker 3:

Even trust and faith can be something that you stand on. They are an action amongst many other actions. So is when you said people have lots of options and one is like therapy or talking to a friend. I've experienced where those were considerations where I felt almost like it was a loss of power because I relied on somebody else. Why does that happen? Where?

Speaker 4:

I.

Speaker 3:

I feel like I've got to. If I talk to Al or Phyllis, if I'm having a bad day or something, I'm losing power by including them versus I'm going to solve this by myself.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, oh, that's a great question, mark.

Speaker 1:

It is a great question and it's because our culture has taught us that and I think it's especially true for men that we have to be strong and we have to be confident and we have to be able to handle all of our things. I think it's true for women too. You know, we have the phrase pull up your big girl pants and make it happen, and I certainly grew up in that kind of home where there was no excuse. It was you're going to do this, you will succeed. You will not fail. You can do this all yourself I grew up with.

Speaker 1:

My grandmother was a single mom, my mom was a single mom and there was a lot of resilience there and a lot of weights and barriers around. You don't need anyone in your life to help you, especially a man, because you can do it yourself. So we're in a culture where weakness we can think about what happened in our last election weakness is not a strength. Power is a strength in our culture and how you exude that power, and so that is the barrier to asking for help and seeking for help, and I think we all, as we're raising children and young people and working with people, have to create psychologically safe places where people can fail, where they can ask for help, where they where. It's okay to say. I don't know the answer to this and I need help finding the answer, or I don't have the tools. I need tools through therapy need tools.

Speaker 2:

Through therapy there's been so much of an illumination on mental health that obviously began. Was it really became more public around COVID, obviously, and then has transferred into more of the psyche of business. Having been somebody who has gone through therapy myself for many, many years, this show is technically therapy. So thank you all of our listeners. But do you ever find that the concept of power and mental health and power as it relates to how you view it through energy, is that a conflict of concepts or are they strong, aligned parallels?

Speaker 1:

They're both Thinking about someone I know who has PTSD and when they are in a moment of being triggered, they can't control their response. So they're in the medical health profession and have had years of traumatic experiences saving lives. Like just a horn honking or an ambulance or sirens, it triggers them into a panic response where they feel like they are dying and can't control that response. So in that instance, in those types of circumstances, the person definitely feels powerless and as though they don't have power, and that person is in therapy once a week to address these symptoms of PTSD and is doing active things to work on it. So that is the taking back of the power of I'm going to take this action and this step to work on this thing. That is paralyzing me and there are certainly many circumstances that people don't have power in things I think you know we could talk about poverty and and all kinds of situations that that people really um are challenged by, but I I think that they're both. Dave.

Speaker 2:

I don't know who Dave is, but that's okay.

Speaker 3:

I could be, dave.

Speaker 4:

if you want, I can definitely be Dave, since I can be six names.

Speaker 2:

Ladies and gentlemen, we are with our guest. Her name is Bob, and Bob is talking about weakness. This is great.

Speaker 1:

That was Tushy actually.

Speaker 4:

I knew something, I knew Tushy, I made that mistake.

Speaker 1:

We'll blame her for that. It's good. I'm so sorry, it's Tushy. Actually I knew something. I knew Tushy. I made that mistake. Yeah, we'll blame her for that. I'm so sorry. It's all good. Strange things happen in the bathroom.

Speaker 2:

All right, phil, we'll return it to a modicum of order, could we please, because you know how.

Speaker 4:

I need that in my life. So, toby, this is the complexity of toilet paper, and can you, for our listeners and for us, to define power in terms of complexity? Where's the toggle there and how did those two work together from your perspective?

Speaker 1:

Power is incredibly complex when you think about what we were just talking about in terms of power is the rate at which energy is transferred. Energy is emotions. Emotions are complex. There's an incredible amount of kinds of power. There's individual power that someone has the agency that they have to make a change, which is something that we've talked at length about in this podcast. There's coercive power using power to manipulate people. There's experiential power having a certain level of experience that you have or expertise that you bring that automatically gives you power. There's a reverent power, where the Pope is a good example of that.

Speaker 1:

Just the person's in a position of complexity, because the rate at which that power is used or not used, the rate at which it vibrates off of people, where you bring it in or take it out, is very complex in the way that that happens. Another example would be myself growing up in a home. I have a brother and a sister. Their response to the environment that myself. Growing up in a home, I have a brother and a sister. Their response to the environment that we grew up in was very different than mine because of the complexity within us, because of our emotional makeup, our age, our gender, all those types of things. So even the way that an individual experiences power in the same, two individuals in the same situation can experience it very differently.

Speaker 2:

And Toby, you're actually just to be clear, you're talking about not just the dynamic of the emotion, of course, but actually the physical transference and DNA of electric power. Right, that's right. So they talk about manifestation, that is, an energy. This is the same thing, right?

Speaker 1:

That's correct. There's a guy his name is Dr David Hawkins and he's written two really great books. One is Letting Go, which would be really great for overthinkers, because it's about surrendering and letting go of things. But the other is the map of consciousness, and he's actually mapped out and done scientific research on the vibrations of different emotions. Different emotions, so fear, hate, pride, anger those all have very low vibrations. So I'm sure you've been around people where they have those negative emotions and you feel how heavy it is. It's a very low vibration. But when you're around someone with great joy, great love, great awareness, great courage, those emotions actually scientifically have a higher vibrational level. So you feel better when not only do you have those within yourself but when you feel it around other people.

Speaker 3:

I thought, you were describing me at the end of that, like all that great vibration, I was.

Speaker 2:

Mark, I was going to say you, Phyllis and I, when we get together, it's amazing. We're not like shaking.

Speaker 3:

I know we don't explode. All the energy, the positive energy. We cause earthquakes, we explode. We cause earthquakes, we do. It's weird.

Speaker 2:

There'll be no imploding or exploding except in the stall.

Speaker 1:

Speaking of the stall, and the energy that is transferred in the stall.

Speaker 3:

Yes, yes, let us not forget that. There is a lot of energy transfer in there.

Speaker 2:

Toby, as you well know from Phyllis, mark and I, we're all over thinkers and we recognize that the depth of the conversations for our listeners, and even for us, is quite can be at times intense. So that's why we alleviate the intensity only of the topic to invite you to step into the stall again with us for what we call, ladies and gentlemen, the roll up. Yes, the roll up is your opportunity to be the inquisitor of the greatest questions ever known to mankind, the things that will solve the problems that haven't been solved yet and the questions that haven't been asked, so that Phyllis can sleep well at night, knowing all will be well with the world. It's all about Phyllis.

Speaker 1:

I love it when it's that way. Or Virginia Blue.

Speaker 2:

Or Virginia Blue Cookies, mcgee or whatever Right Puns galore, my gosh there's other one. Mark Puns galore yeah. I cannot wait for us to have promotional store products and just have a whole section dedicated to Phyllis?

Speaker 4:

I expect puns galore will be a sellout. But go ahead Hell yeah, all right.

Speaker 2:

So, toby, we're going to toss it to your pal, gal Phyllis, to start us off with this speed round. I hope you haven't prepared, because there's no test. Go ahead, phyllis.

Speaker 4:

There's no test and the speed round will begin with your favorite. What is your favorite potty time activity?

Speaker 1:

It is. It was a long time ago reading People magazine, but I don't get that anymore, so now it's scrolling through my phone.

Speaker 2:

What do you scroll News, or do you only do light stuff?

Speaker 1:

Just the socials, yeah yeah, not as much as I used to, though you know I'm. I'm single and in my house alone often, so I don't have to hide in the bathroom, so I don't actually I don't actually.

Speaker 2:

There's actually a lot to unpack there right, I actually don't have to spend a lot of time in the bathroom alone by myself to to get away.

Speaker 1:

So I don't spend a ton of time.

Speaker 3:

All right, then it's time for the next on. No this is fast, we can't overthink it. It's speed round. We can't unpack that. What is your favorite nickname for the bathroom?

Speaker 1:

Oh, I guess the potty. It's not very original, the potty.

Speaker 4:

Phyllis, sorry.

Speaker 2:

That's so, judgy of you, I know, and it's very unlike me. Virginia Blue, you're in timeout. We're putting you in the stall next to us. All right, here you go. This is the time for what we call the lid of truth. You ready? Do you text from the toilet, and if so, do you actually?

Speaker 1:

ever let people know that you've texted them from the toilet. My, I just said I was single, but I do have a boyfriend, so he's probably not going to like that. He tends to video call me when I'm in the bathroom on accident a lot, so I just answer it. So that happens a lot to me.

Speaker 3:

The complications, the complications, just compile here, right here in the potty.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 4:

Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1:

But no, if I'm texting I'm not going to tell someone I'm in the bathroom.

Speaker 2:

All right, phyllis, you get to ask the last question.

Speaker 4:

I'm going to do a switcheroo so you can go out on a high note If you got one. If there was one song that, if it got stuck in your head, you would never get tired of hearing it, what would that be?

Speaker 1:

Well, you're going to really love this Virginia Blue. I can't wait, it's Copacabana by Barry Manilow. Yes, I knew it, I knew it. It has drama and a salsa beat and a story, music and passion. Yes, a bar, a crowded room, lola.

Speaker 2:

If you're just joining us for the very first time, just to set the stage. Phil is a huge Barry Manilow fan, Undoubtedly.

Speaker 3:

Listens constantly on the toilet. Yes, anywhere, really.

Speaker 2:

And you know what, barry, if you're listening, if you could send Phyllis a note signed or a picture of a toilet, you know, autographed by you, that would be great Signed toilet paper.

Speaker 3:

Just send it to her.

Speaker 4:

In the off chance that he hears this, because you know he could, somebody could get it to him. Can we just go?

Speaker 1:

with this. I'll send it to him.

Speaker 4:

That I'm going to be in Vegas to see him. I believe it's September 18th and my life's dream I'm not kidding and not making it up is to get to come up on stage and sing with him. So I'm putting it out there Anybody can make that happen.

Speaker 3:

We could probably find somebody who knows him.

Speaker 4:

That would be it for me.

Speaker 3:

I'm down, I'm sure we could figure something like that out. We'll get it figured out.

Speaker 2:

We'll have at least three listeners by then, so that'll be great, we'll have at least three listeners by then, so that'll be great. We already have more than that, I know I know All right, terrible, well, that is thank you so much, Toby, for joining us for the roll-up. You don't seem to be scarred mentally or physically.

Speaker 1:

Only that I messed up your names and I will be overthinking that all night all week completely embarrassed.

Speaker 2:

I am texting your ass non-stop, hoping I catch you in the bathroom.

Speaker 2:

I just listen, tushy my name is mark all right, let's, let's, let's, let's bring it back home here to all kidding. All kidding aside, you know this. This whole riveting topic comes with so much more on the bone to talk about. But, mark, we're going to save you for the end, because you always wrap it so well. So I'll lead it and then, phil, maybe you can jump in, but let's start. Toby, you talked about all these things that people can do in the moment. What are, say, your top five recommendations and tips? Because we want to be able to compile these and eventually build them into some sort of a book or something for people. But what are your top five tips for people who are, in the moment, trying to feel that power draining from them? What can they do?

Speaker 1:

Put your hand in ice. I know that sounds really weird, but when you are in the minute the middle of overthinking, or even anxiety, changing your body temperature or creating putting yourself in a different stimulus automatically stops your brain in that spiral. So whether that's putting your head in a freezer, taking an ice cube or, you know, like an ice pad and just putting it on your face, that stops that response from happening. Two is grounding. Grounding is such a beautiful thing and grounding can be different things to different people. So there's a lot written right now about grounding on Earth. The Earth has energy and vibration. So walking in the grass without your shoes on, laying in the grass, there are grounding sheets. That's one form, but grounding could also be meditation, it could be yoga, it could be going for a walk. It's different for different people. So whatever brings you a moment of quiet and peace to ground is very valuable. Movement is another one Moving your body. There's something in Qigong called shaking the tree and it literally is just bouncing up and down. But bouncing up and down again changes the vibration, even if you're in the middle of overthinking. Jumping up and down and shaking it gets your blood flowing, it gets your lymphatic system flowing, it can really change and position you to just pause in that moment.

Speaker 1:

I think four would be journaling. Writing is really powerful for people Writing down, even if you're in the moment of overthinking, what are the pros and the cons in the situation, because often when you get it out of your head and you see it on paper, it's really clear oh yeah, it's this. And then the last one is trust your intuition. One of the things that overthinking does is it blocks what you feel in your gut and we all have the power of intuition. We all have a sense within us, a knowing of what is best for us or what we need to do or what the action is. Often we ignore that because we overthink it and we get in our mind and we analyze things and we can talk ourself in and out of something. So five for me would be trusting your gut and trusting your intuition.

Speaker 2:

I'm hoping first of all. That's just incredibly powerful, but I would be negligent if I didn't bring to the show that I hope I'm never overthinking and having a moment while I'm actually in the restroom, because shaking the tree would be a horrible experience. Oh my God, really oh did you just say really to me, mark, I'm sorry. Yeah, I did. We made an agreement that, no matter how deep and intellectual we're going to go, that we can go dive into the toilet whenever we want.

Speaker 3:

I'm probably just jealous, I didn't think of it.

Speaker 1:

My second regret is saying shake the tree.

Speaker 3:

Out of all the regrets in your life. That's it, that's great. No, just on this podcast. Do you know how?

Speaker 1:

hard it was to listen to you going?

Speaker 2:

oh my God, she is throwing down fricking lightning bolts of genius here, but I can't get shaking the tree out of my head there we go.

Speaker 1:

All right, there it is.

Speaker 2:

I'm just throwing softballs for you, that's it just throwing we're gonna have you on the show a lot anyway, uh, phyllis martin yeah.

Speaker 4:

So, toby, thank you for coming on and for what you're doing, because I think it's innately who you are as a human being, but I would you know. I just want to restate a couple of things, and one is this theme of self-awareness that is coming through many of our shows and some of the things we're hearing back from our listeners, and when we think about how overcomplicating or overthinking takes our power away from us, I don't know that there's anything more powerful than taking that first step of becoming self-aware. I'm not sure anything else really can happen, and that can be small self-aware or big self-aware, but from my perspective, that is the journey and through that self-awareness, even as we think about little things we can do to hold on to our power, then things become simpler and easier. That path presents itself and becomes very visible to us and we can take it and run with it. So little baby steps can turn into walking, can turn into running, and then who knows what?

Speaker 4:

And, mark, I want to use this example because you shared it earlier, about overthinking email, which I also do, and this is really something I do now, which is, if I'm writing an email and it's not, it feels a certain particular way I really do start to. I have to. I literally pull back and say this is not the energy I want going into this email because it's going to land. I just am certain that energy is going to land on the recipient and that's a small way, but a big way for me to say I've got power in how I'm going to respond to this or what I'm going to ask or what is going out there. And that's a behavioral change which may be the other thing I heard you say, which is claiming power, getting power, finding power, not letting it drain away, requires us to make changes in how we do, and you can fill in the blanks.

Speaker 4:

So I'm so excited about this work that you're doing. That's this combination of leadership training, because, heaven knows, leaders are not perfect people. They come to it for a certain reason. They do have power. We all have power, and how we choose to use that or live in that or share. That to me is directly tied to the exchange of energy coming and going. So thank you Beautiful.

Speaker 2:

Marco.

Speaker 3:

So you've given us a gift, tushy um you just had to.

Speaker 4:

I had to it felt so good too so we should.

Speaker 3:

We should end the show right there um, and and I wrote some stuff down you gave us a gift and what I wanted to do with the gift that you gave us is kind of give back to you what I've heard in kind of the voices in my head and I hope you see it as a gift back that what you've provided has been really powerful and moving for me, but I know for a lot of people it will be. And so, as we kind of close today's conversation, you've brought to us Toby kind of a simple truth, and that simple truth is that power is not something that you have to earn, and you shared that from your early stages in life. It's something that you already carry with you. It's in the way that you speak to yourself, it's in the energy that you bring to a room, it's in the emails. Like Phyllis said, it's in the choices that you make when no one's watching. You have this power and overthinking and fear and self-doubt cloud that they make it almost impossible for us to move forward.

Speaker 3:

And what I also realized from what you shared today is that real power isn't loud, it isn't strength, it isn't that type of power, um, it's not dominating power. You shared that story so eloquently in the beginning of this. It doesn't demand, it's, it's grounded, um, it's intentional, it's quiet, it's courageous and, um, I'm just really thankful for the tips that you've provided me and for our listeners, and for your vulnerability and your stories to help us understand that real powers within us and that we have the ability to share that positive power with others, or that negative power. And so, thank you, toby.

Speaker 1:

Thank you, it's been an honor to be here.

Speaker 2:

Her business is called the Radiant Key. Where can we find you? Where can the world find you?

Speaker 1:

Toby, my website, the radiant keycom, so I can be found there on instagram. Um, I'm the period radiant key and my email is toby at the radiant keycom. T-o-b-i. Toby with an I.

Speaker 2:

It's also tissue with an I but I've been spelling it wrong my whole life I think somebody should count how many times the word tushy came in, but I love the fact that you did it with an I, tushy with an I um. Hey, real quick, how did you come up with the radiant key?

Speaker 1:

I wanted something that had my initials in it, so T-R-K are my initials and I simply put into chat GPT words that begin with T, words that begin with R, words that begin with K and got all of these words back, and the rating key were amongst the words. So I put them together. At first it sounded a little froofy and woo-woo and maybe a little too light for leadership coaching, because I was trying to think of something that hit both leadership coaching and energy healing. But the more I thought about it, the more it resonated with me about the power of unlocking potential and that each of us holds the radiant key. The radiant key isn't me, it's you. You are the radiant key and you hold the keys to unlock the potential in your life. I'm just here to help be a guide through the process.

Speaker 4:

Beautiful.

Speaker 3:

Can we close on a better note than that?

Speaker 2:

No, that is. That is a mic drop. You, thank. You are a joy. Thank you so so much, toby. What a pleasure. Thank you for joining us in the stall. Mark Phyllis and I will be right back. That was probably a bad pun intended, by the way, but seriously, the complexity of toilet paper is about creating conversations in places where things just don't need to be that complicated. It's about finding the simplicity in life, and if we work together, you know what we think we can actually achieve it. So follow us on Facebook, share the show, give us your comments and come back and join us in the stall. Holy shnikers, what a freaking home run awesome person. New insight Phyllis Martin, you are the bomb diggity dog.

Speaker 4:

Well, I thank you kind sir.

Speaker 2:

So what is you've known this woman for for quite some time?

Speaker 4:

yeah, you obviously shared a litany of insight, but just quick overview, highlight, you know, elevator pitch, what's your big takeaway, that that you're going to walk away with and share uh, I think my big takeaway which I'm very excited about because I felt this way for a long time is that there are some critical keys on this path, this journey that we're all on. I mentioned it earlier. Self-awareness is one of them, but I'm thrilled to see more and more people connecting this notion of energy and power and complexity and complications and overthinking and it is culturally different than, I think, what we are all trained or raised to do, but there's a certain grounding in illuminating this type of information, thinking about the world in this way, taking a minute to stop and reflect, which I think is one of the fastest ways, and albeit sometimes very painful, to get to simplicity.

Speaker 2:

The pain, yeah, mark.

Speaker 3:

So I loved this conversation and one of the actionable items for me. My biggest takeaway is when I overthink, I drain my energy. Now that seems pretty, pretty obvious, right, but what I didn't relate it to is the power that is transferred to someone else when I work from that state. So, as I'm overthinking an email, I'm not making it better. I'm actually transferring negative power. When I overthink a conversation or overthink anything because I think I'm making it better, I'm actually making it worse. And so her techniques today really has me thinking about and not overthinking, but about what I do in a day and what I, what I need to do to make sure that I am giving the best of myself to others oh man that is touching some chords so beautiful.

Speaker 2:

Uh, I I hearken back to my days at Hubbard House, domestic Violence Shelter, and when we co-founded with some amazing people men against violence against women and we had to introduce the concept of power and control to so many men in that space, so many men in that space, and I, when, when, when the men would be asked, you know well, what if it was your daughter, or what if it was your son, the survivor? It changed everything. And I remember once a moment where, uh, somebody who was working with us in shelter said, did you feel that? And I was like, feel what? I said, I swear, because we had a gentleman who had realized that he was a survivor himself and he was now being verbally and emotionally abusive to his own son and he's like you felt that shift of energy and I was.

Speaker 2:

I didn't even think about it back then, but in this moment, right now, I could come to tears thinking about that. It was on a softball field during one of our fundraising events, and this gentleman came to us and shared this moment of reflection and I never thought about this transference of energy from a physical sense and sometimes I can now realize, I can think about what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it, and I never gave the credence to the physical nature of power. So, wow, that's my big takeaway, okay, well, I hope you all have an amazing week, you as well.

Speaker 4:

Thank you.

Speaker 2:

Phyllis, any two-ply words of advice. You're doing great with social media, by the way, Like you're killing it.

Speaker 3:

I'm proud of you, I'm out there. Way not to overthink it.

Speaker 4:

Way not to overthink it. Well, you know, fear is a power drainer.

Speaker 2:

I wouldn't exactly call it overthinking it.

Speaker 3:

She's overthinking it, I know.

Speaker 2:

All right, I guess we got to wrap this puppy. Huh, we are truly, truly honored to be a part of your life, a part of what's happening in in your world. We hope this brought some simplicity between your ears and in your heart as well. Uh, share the show with others, push it out through whatever channels uh, you can even write a letter about it. That would be great. And, of course, follow us on social Facebook's. The best place the Complexity of Toilet Paper. You can also find us on your favorite podcast platforms, which, if you're listening to this, you've probably already figured that out. And, of course, you can also search for us on Buzzsprout, which is currently where more information about us lies. More shows coming down the road as we step into the stall, flush through life and hopefully make your life a little simpler, one conversation at a time.

Speaker 4:

Did you say toilet paper? Everything complicated, one big, big mess.

Speaker 2:

I'm over thinking, I'm over, I'm over thinking. This is the complexity of toilet paper.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Al Emerick

Host
Head Shot

Mark Pollack

Host
Head Shot

Phyllis Martin

Host
Contributor

Tobi Kinsell

Guest