What's Your "Someday?" - The Complexity of Dreams, Avoidance, and Stalled Satisfaction

Someday is the most polite way to postpone our own life, and we’ve all got a list. We pull that word apart with equal parts humor and honesty, starting with our own “somedays” like learning guitar, traveling more, playing iconic golf courses, giving a TEDx talk, and shifting creative projects that keep getting pushed down the road. The question we keep circling is simple and uncomfortable: is “someday” optimism, or is it avoidance with better branding?

We talk through the real reasons goals stall out: perfectionism, fear of failure, fear of judgment, decision regret, money, energy, and the sneakiest one of all, identity. Sometimes the dream still matters, but sometimes it doesn’t align anymore and we’re afraid to admit it because we already told people about it. We also connect this to the startup world and “perpetual incubation,” where an idea feels exciting to talk about but terrifying to launch. Along the way, we land on practical tools that actually work: shrink the goal to the smallest possible version, ask what’s truly blocking you, and set a date so “someday” has a home on the calendar.

We close by getting real about the cost of leaving the important things undone, and what changes when you finally do the thing your soul keeps calling for. If you’ve been stuck in planning, fantasizing, or waiting for perfect timing, you’ll leave with a clearer framework for turning intention into action, plus the grace to release what was never meant to happen. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs a nudge, and leave a review, then tell us: what are you done calling “someday”?

Transcript

Welcome To The Stall

SPEAKER_03 0:01

And I wish we could go back to a time when things weren't so complicated.

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Welcome to the complexity of toilet paper, the podcast that dives into the everyday moments where we overthink, hesitate, or just get dominated. Through honest conversations, unexpected insights, and a whole lot of humor, your hosts Phyllis Martin, Mark Pollock, and Al Emmerich are here to help you roll with it and make your life a little less complicated. One conversation at a time. Right, dude. The beauty of this is its simplicity. Speaking of which, it's time to enter the stall. Put the lid down, or not, depending. Get comfortable and roll with it. What if not, dear friend? It's really quite simple. This is the complexity of toilet paper!

SPEAKER_02 1:02

Hi everybody, and welcome to the Golden Throne of Melodious Tone, otherwise known as the Complexity of Toilet Paper. I am one of your stallmates, Al Emmerich. And I am another stallmate, Mark Pollock.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

And I am the final stallmate, Phyllis Martin.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

You know, there is a dramatic repose that borders on nuisance and dramaticism there. The final stallmate. Hey, don't let us in fact, let's just do it right now. We need to we need to take a uh um a screenshot right now because you gotta see everybody I you gotta see Phyllis's picture. Phyllis, move the microphone so that everybody can see your there you go. Now this will show up on YouTube, but oh by the way, I've got my toilet paper.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

I have mine too, but I can't reach.

SPEAKER_02 1:57

Okay. Um those are our squad shots, which we occasionally drop into the chapters of the show. Um Hi. And uh I won't even ask how you guys are doing. Um, I want to ask a more important question. We said collectively a long time ago, one day we're gonna do um our podcast. And then we said, someday let's do our podcast, and then we said, no, let's frickin' do the podcast, and we did it.

Why “Someday” Won’t Quit

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Uh Mark, you are the one that generated the idea for the show tonight, uh, today, uh, the morning, whatever time of the day somebody's listening to it. Um and the theme, you you came to us, you said, hey, let's do a show on someday. Yeah. And all the some days that we talk about. Like, was there something that happened? I think or was it just a moment of inspiration?

SPEAKER_05 2:50

Man, there's so many things that I I say, you know, I'm I'm I'm at some point gonna do this. Someday I'm gonna do this. Um, I think the most recent thing is I have a couple of guitars on my wall. And since I was 14, I've said, you know, someday, someday, I'm gonna pick up this guitar and I'm gonna learn how to play. And uh I have started uh now watching 15 minutes of YouTube videos a day and practicing guitar, but that was my someday uh that I'm I'm doing now, and then my some day that I haven't done shit for is uh I'd like to do a TEDx talk. So uh I was just thinking about those things and and we had a kind of a call. You kind of called out and said, Hey, what do we want to talk about? And uh that's what came to mind. So there you go.

SPEAKER_02 3:39

Phyllis, what what's a someday you've got right now that's floating around in your head? Because I mean you just did a big someday.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Like someday I'm gonna say Did I not do just do a big someday? Um What's another one?

SPEAKER_02 3:53

Maybe not as big or or bigger, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

That was such a big someday that I'm not sure I have another someday, but as I was thinking about it earlier, um I've been talking about doing like more travel for I don't know how many years, like a million someday, one day, someday, next year, two years, time has gone by. So that's probably what I'm thinking about today. Or someday.

SPEAKER_05 4:24

What about you, Al?

SPEAKER_02 4:25

What's your someday? Um, well, uh there's active somedays. I I don't like to use the word someday because to me, when we're gonna get into this later, someday is like, oh, someday, versus like, no, I'm doing this. Uh, but some someday I uh I would like to play this is truly a someday, because if it doesn't happen, it's not a big deal. Uh someday I would love to play uh Pebble Beach. Yeah. I and you can, you can you pay an arm and a leg for it, but I would someday I would like to pay Pebble Beach. Uh or and and or um play um Carnoostie in uh in uh either Ireland or Scotland, I can't remember. Yeah. Both golf. Those are big big ones. I have again, this is like a I love this topic, so uh which really brings up the question, like um all right, I kind of define like I kind of started to lean into what is someday, right? Like

Personal Somedays And Big Dreams

SPEAKER_02 5:30

someday for me uh is a state of mind purely, right? Okay, um someday and one day are the same to me. Um and that's not a negative, um, but they s they they have a dream attached to it. And I think so much of this is is is relevant to your age too. But at this point in my life, um I want to be having check marked the some days, as many of them as I can, but still, someday for me, by definition, is a dream something you want to do in the future. Uh, but it definitely is a wow, that would be nice too for me.

SPEAKER_05 6:16

So when you look at it though, is that someday just or one day in your mind just not prioritized? Like, is it because it seems so lofty, like you're like, oh, it's not that important if I don't play Pebble Beach. So is that is that really a someday? I'm just curious. I'm asking for a friend.

SPEAKER_02 6:35

Uh I again this comes after years and years of some days that I didn't act on, but then also realizing that I acted on many others' some days that they would consider mine to be like dreams, right? Like I wanted to be in TV, I wanted to be in radio. I mean, I checked so many of my dream boxes early on in my life and I lived that experience. I've done a lot of the some days. And so um I think for me, the some days are are are less uh they're more about I need uh you asked about priorities. I would say they're probably less priority to me now. All right. I have other I'm gonna's because these I Phyllis said it perfectly in her show. She said if I didn't sing, I would I would not be setting you didn't say I wouldn't be settled. How did you put it? Do you remember, Phyllis? I don't if I didn't if I didn't do this, like I would be miserable or no, I would not feel complete or whole something like that.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

What I think I said was what I what I likely said was I didn't want to leave the singing undone.

SPEAKER_02 7:49

That's it. Yeah that's it. Thank you. So if you want to reference that show, uh it's the episode uh that that dropped on June 2nd, um, where Phyllis talks literally about n singing and that thing being that thing she had to do. And that's that's exactly what it is for me. Some someday is is less priority than the things I have to not leave undone. All right.

SPEAKER_05 8:19

All right. Phyllis?

SPEAKER_00 8:21

What's the question?

SPEAKER_05 8:24

Is is the someday something to you that's just is it not as prioritized for you? Like you're like, yeah, I think the next thing would be travel, but it's not like, oh, that someday I'm gonna I'm gonna figure this thing out, that that piece to it.

SPEAKER_00 8:37

It's yeah, it's such an interesting question because I feel like there's um this is my experience. Whether it's one day or whether it's someday, those things, there's always some barrier, like conscious or unconscious, that I think prevents that pushes it out, like out over there. So it's a someday versus saying, hey, wait a minute. Um it's a to it's a now. It's it's time for it to move out of someday to now. And I think sometimes I just have to walk myself, walk myself to that, give myself permission to get on that journey and travel in in this instance, because I really am thinking about travel. I talk about it a lot and then I don't ever do it. I have a million reasons, by the way. None of them are really good why I why I haven't started. And it was the same with singing. I've I mean, you and I've talked about this like a thousand times, a cabillion seemingly logical reasons uh that I I couldn't take voice lessons, I couldn't join a choir, I couldn't even research where I might take voice lessons, blah, blah, blah. There's just there was just some preventative something in my head until it until it was time.

SPEAKER_05 9:46

Well, that's I I I think I find that really interesting. And and, you know, as Al has mentioned in in many episodes, we don't script this show, but we do have kind of a a setup, right? Kind of a a flow, if you will. And and you asked a question in the flow is someday optimism or avoidance? And so what it sounds like you're describing is avoidance to the someday that you've built. And and I wonder why. I wonder why we do that.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

I wonder why we do that too. Tim and I have been talking about this like with some regularity because um, you know, we have friends and family in different parts of the country. We are not getting any younger. And every year we're gonna go visit, we're gonna go spend a long weekend, we're gonna do this, you know, maybe to like three or four like different family members of friends. And another year goes by and another year goes by. And so we said this year, that's that's enough. Like for whatever the reason is, can't get a dog sitter, you know, we'll have a busy week the next week, whatever. Um to us now, um, and maybe time is the the the driving factor for this for us. Um and it's and it's time and it's also these are people who we care about deeply and that care about us deeply. And how could we not? Like when we can, we're just choosing not to, how could we not?

SPEAKER_05 11:14

But you know what's fascinating about that and and and you relate it to time, which I'm guessing you're relating to age?

SPEAKER_00 11:21

Uh yes, our our age or theirs.

SPEAKER_05 11:24

Okay, so here's the fascinating part, just kind of tying this little red thread across our shows about that. We all lost parents at a young age. We're used to people dying young in our lives, yet now we're having this conversation and it's like, well, now that we're getting older, we should actually prioritize this thing. So it's it's fascinating to me, though, even though we have the experience that life is short, we're we're pushing it down the street as far as we can.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

Well, I think there's also there's also another piece here that is the constraint of definition, right? Like so when you think about what people say, think about the phrase, the language. Uh and language is mindset tied to mindset, and and conversely, right? So, hey, someday I'd

Someday As Avoidance Or Optimism

SPEAKER_02 12:10

like to blank. Um in fact, here, I'm gonna actually hold on a second.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

Carners T's in Scotland, by the way.

SPEAKER_02 12:20

Thank you. Thank you. Um, yeah, I was just doing some re Yeah. So uh how many things in your life are you on hold until someday? That nebulous future time when conditions will be finally perfect for all the things you're putting off. Right. And and um I have to go to the grocery store because I need food for X, Y, and Z. There's a definitive like, hey, you have a plan, you have a need. Um and I I think you know, we were talking about the question of when does when does someday become never? And I want to say what's when does someday become never and when does someday become today? Right? I think that's the the opposites. And it and it and it speaks it speaks to the clarity of definition of that thing, not only of what it is and what you really want it so that you can prioritize it, but then also um how you're gonna get there. And so Yeah. And so when I years ago, I said someday I want to write a book. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 13:25

Right.

SPEAKER_02 13:26

Um and then I was like, I gotta stop saying this. I need to do it. Well, then I started writing the book, and I and I, you know, 2025, we've talked about this, it was a shit show, and I got the book about 60% done. Uh I, you know, uh we broke, my ex-girlfriend and I broke up, and I had mental wah, and I just stopped. But then I what I realized was I was writing the book for the wrong reason. So I had all these distractions. I stopped writing. I haven't started again yet the way I want to. However, I am no longer someday mindset. I am, I'm writing this book. I'm just now deciding what book I want to write. Now I have to manage the time, but it is no longer a someday. Someday is off the frickin' table for that book. It is, I'm going, it is today. And now today could be in 12 months, but it is it is today. And and so when does someday become never is my first question to you. And the second question is when does someday become today in your mind?

SPEAKER_05 14:28

Well, I think someday can easily become never because there's no goals around it. Like we're talking about Phyllis's travel, right? You can talk about it. Um, but if you're not gonna put a plan around it, if you're not gonna prioritize it in your life, I I think someday becoming never is really easy. And on top of that, I I think we say someday because we've told so many people about it that we're embarrassed to change our plan. So it's just easier to say, well, someday I'm gonna do that, right? Knowing full well you're not gonna prioritize it. Um, and so you it probab I would say that most things probably turn from someday to never because you never really intended to do it, but you just told too many people about it.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

That's such a good example because I remember this kind of coming out of COVID. Um I was really having a hard time at work. And I said to Tim, when like as soon as we can travel safely, we're gonna go see our friends um who at the time were expats in Costa Rica. And I just called them one day and I said, We're thinking about coming. And then I told Tim, like, here are the here are like the two options that we have to do that. And for me, just setting the date, okay, we're gonna go here. Like, no plan other than we're gonna go visit them and we're gonna stay in their casita. Um, and here are the like, here's the dates because that's what works for them. And it was right before the rainy season and blah, blah, blah. And then from there, it all just unfolded. So to your point, f in that instance, instead of just talking about it and talking about it and talking about it, we just flipped the switch and set the date and just didn't worry about the rest of it. And honestly, it was like one of the best trips we've ever taken. It wasn't so structured, it was structured enough. We didn't stress about it, just kind of step, set the date and said we're we're gonna do it. So I think some days, some days, haha, sometimes like we say someday, but we don't really mean someday. And I think the, you know, the work is are you like, are you just talking or do you really mean it? And then if you really mean it, to your point, it becomes a reality when you put some intentionality like everything else around it. And maybe it doesn't all flow in a linear fashion like the book. You started it, you stopped it, you started, right? So you're you're doing that. But then someday becomes reality. And I agree a lot of somedays become never.

SPEAKER_02 16:58

This is a huge uh space within the startup world. And back when in the mid-2000s, when I was um like 2015, 14, 13, when I was working with the startup community in Jacksonville, uh, I worked with a lot of different types of startup organizations. You know, One Million Cups is an example. That's Ron Benziv, uh, who's been a show guest. Uh and I, and he, Ron, if you're listening, chime in on social when you read this or listen to this rather. Um, and there is a founder syndrome challenge that morphs into perpetual incubation. It's where the founders fall in love with an idea. Um, they talk about it, they tell everybody about it, they iterate about the idea. They they might actually act on the idea, but there's a couple of things that prevent them from launch. Number one, um, it could be that they are in perpetual perfection mode. We got to get this right, we got to get this right, we got to get this right. Uh, others is they literally fall in love with the sexy appeal of telling somebody, hey, I'm gonna do this thing. I mean, think about it. When we told people we were gonna do a podcast, how good did it feel? People were like, oh God, you guys should be great. That's awesome. Because like people aren't gonna tell you, why would you do that? You guys aren't good for that. That's stupid. Um and so it really rears its head in this in the startup world from that perfection. Uh, it brings into fear of rejection. Is my idea gonna, you know, be accepted? Um, but it still is that continuous loop. And I know today of people who who literally started ideas back in 2010, 2013 and and failed to launch to quote the movie.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

I think it's not, I don't think it's just the startup world, Al. It's every leader, it's every organization, it's every business who ever had somebody in a position that couldn't flip

When Someday Becomes Never

SPEAKER_00 19:00

the switch for for a million reasons. Just couldn't flip the switch.

SPEAKER_02 19:04

Yeah, I just was illustrating that as a as a specific since it's been a topic that we've talked about. But it also falls back into decision regret. Like there's a lot of some days. And don't you find sometimes that as you're looking at your some days, you're going, well, I could do this, I could do that, I want to do this, I want to do that.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

I think decision regret is part of a what will is likely a litany of artificial barriers that we put up for many reasons, not not negating or minimizing the reasons that we do that. They're usually pretty good reasons, but it's one of the reasons. There are many more.

SPEAKER_02 19:41

So what do you think they are? Like what what what in your experience, Phil, has are the reasons some days become never.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

Fear of failure, fear of you have to give up time. It takes a lot of energy to make a someday into something, even even if it's I keep using travel, but even if it's just travel, I mean, it takes a certain amount of energy to plan, commit financial resources, take care of what has to happen at home, figure out the time off. I mean, all things, there's a trade there. I mean, that there that things have to happen in order for someday to become a reality. And sometimes I think we're just not up for it. We're not ready to do that. Same with singing. Same with the singing.

SPEAKER_02 20:24

What about you, Mark? What's what's one of the drivers for someday's endeavors in your mind?

SPEAKER_05 20:33

I think it's for me, and in all the changes that have happened in my life over the past couple of years, this the reason I keep pushing some days down the street is I don't know if it still aligns with my identity, but I'm afraid to say that I don't want to do it anymore. Um, or that it's not important. Because going back to kind of what I alluded to earlier, I've told so many people, I want to do this thing. I don't know, do do I do I really? So maybe I'll just keep it as a someday so I have some direction, um, something out there to to hope for, but I don't know I don't I don't know if it's really worth my time prioritizing. So m those things will probably become nevers.

SPEAKER_00 21:16

Um and that's okay.

SPEAKER_05 21:18

So Yeah. And and I and I find full of I'm full of excuses, right? Like uh today was uh a great day at work, but it was a really long day. I was on the phone since eight this morning. When I'm done with this podcast, I'm I'm gonna have I'm gonna have some dinner, and then um um and then I have more work I I gotta do. So those some days I'm like, uh, I don't know. How important is it?

SPEAKER_02 21:42

Well that's you're morphing two of these. One of them I was gonna say was busyness, you know. So you're kind of morphing identity and and busyness, right? That's true. And busyness is um I think one of you called it as a shield. I mean, it's a reality, right? Busy you know, busyness. And having things to do is reality. And if you're under the age of 45, maybe 50, you may have not noticed yet your energy waning. But I can tell you that I still have a boundless amount of boundless, not endless, boundless amount of energy, but man, I now know my windows. I know my patterns. And so I look at not so much busyness as much as because I'm very intentional about the choices I make time-wise. The question is, is that the right choice? And so for me, it's it's a prioritization combined with a timing myth. Like, and it's less timing now because I've kind of learned a little bit like fuck it, just let it go. There's not a perfect time, and it's not going to be perfect, so just do it. Um and I finally believe that. I really do. But when I think about future some days, the things that I still have to do, um, some of them are tied to financial needs, some of them are tied to just joy, some of them are tied to pure time. But there's no way to get it all in. And so I'm gonna have to make a choice of prioritization, which means something's gonna have to be sacrificed. And that for me, for me, is the wedge.

SPEAKER_05 23:23

So I I I have a question for you, Phyllis. You know, just kind of going back to travel and and this idea of someday you're gonna do it. I guess the question is, what happens if you don't do it?

SPEAKER_00 23:36

Nothing.

SPEAKER_05 23:38

So if your someday doesn't become a reality, what does that what does that do to you?

SPEAKER_00 23:44

I mean, to me, if it's if it's if it's that important I know myself well enough to know. If it's that important to me, it will happen at some point. At some point I will flip the switch on it. At some point I will say enough is enough and I'll do we'll do just what we did with Costa Rica. We'll say, we're going on June 22nd through July, whatever, right? Like I'll just make it happen. But if it doesn't happen, then I'm going with to I think what we're saying here, it wasn't a priority enough, or I didn't want it enough or something else. But it's it's not it's not bad. It's not a bad thing.

SPEAKER_05 24:26

So when you talk to people though, because I I wonder if your answer that you just gave for yourself is the same advice you'd give somebody else.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

Yeah, I'm very big. I think you and I talked about this like into the acceptance and grace space right now. We're so hard on ourselves, like a million things happening in life. And um I'm just trying to, you know, among many things, focus on accepting where I am in the world or where I am on something, or examining what is it, you know, that prevents me um from making a someday into more of a reality. So it's not a someday, but it's in 2027 or 2028 or whatever it is. I think that's um for me, um, I think that's just part of life's life's work, sitting somewhere in the exploration um self-care, like grace grace space. The only thing, I mean, and I'll say it again, that someday had to happen, like I felt so strong about it that it had to happen was getting back into music, singing. The piano was still here. I started teaching myself how to play piano, like that side of the house has to I felt really, really strongly that that someday is now. And I suspect that the travel will happen as more space open up opens up in my mind and I have more energy um and more balance along the way.

SPEAKER_05 26:10

What about you, Al? Do you use is the advice that you give yourself about your some days and the grace that you give yourself about some days the same advice that you would give a friend who came and just shared, oh, I've got all these some days that I want to do?

SPEAKER_02 26:22

Totally. Yeah. Yeah. I mean the whole path that I've shared on this show about my own growth and the experiences that I've had and how friends have helped me see uh this show by far one of the most consistent proven today's nows in my life, right? This show could have been a someday. Um now there's aspects which I want to talk about later of this show that are currently in the someday pile that we need to discuss, right? Things we want to do with this show. But um for me, I would totally give the same advice. Um and I know we're not there at that point yet to the show to to start giving advice.

SPEAKER_05 27:09

But oh no. I I'm just I was just curious because I I think I'm at a point where I give different advice than I take on that.

SPEAKER_02 27:17

Oh, well, yes. I don't always follow the advice I give. I mean, nobody who does, but I mean I try to, uh but here's here's what is different. I am hyper-vigilant and conscious. And I said this already in in a different way. I know vividly what is now, today versus someday. And I know what belongs in what bucket list. What's the things that I have to do that have to be done? I can't leave them undone, quoting Phyllis Martin. Um, but that also is relevant to the priorities now in my life that are different as I'm older, as I'm more at peace than I've ever been in my life. So things aren't so burdensome if they're in the undone bucket. Um, because I know whether it's a done today or or or a someday. Um, I mean, I literally, I I had a uh a friend of mine gave me this.

Identity Busyness And The Timing Myth

SPEAKER_02 28:20

He was like, You've heard about this. It's like a hundred things you want to do before you die, or I don't know what it was. Yeah, and it was like it's like you those both okay, that's yeah, and you can't, you know, there's no rules, you just and I gotta listen to those things. And then of course I I I married that against like uh annual priorities and oh, this year I'm gonna do this. What I found was that I had so many some days and they just were too broad, and they were pr they were the volume of some days was limiting the now's. So um yeah. But I I don't always uh shit, man. I'm a consultant and and and coach at heart, so we always we're like we're like we're like the overweight doctor. We know how to prescribe and give advice, but that doesn't mean we're we're taking our own medicine. Okay. Well you're leading the show, Mark. Oh, I didn't I I was just uh you know I'm stone there for a moment.

SPEAKER_05 29:25

Someday I'll get to lead the show.

SPEAKER_02 29:27

Um I I actually have a question for you guys. I I I have a question. Yeah. So Phyllis, um Phyllis, you said this cannot be undone, right?

SPEAKER_00 29:40

Um I said it can't be left undone.

SPEAKER_05 29:43

Left undone. Thank you. I need to get that in too. By the way, before you move on, anybody who uses that phrase pays royalties. Uh Phyllis takes Venmo. This cannot be undone.

SPEAKER_02 29:51

And then I can go travel.

SPEAKER_05 29:53

Then you can travel.

SPEAKER_02 29:54

So um I just and I just spoke emphatically about you know knowing the difference between today and and now and someday. What do you what do you what do you have what have you experienced and what do you believe is the cost of not um achieving someday? And what's the what's the benefit, the win of achieving someday for you?

SPEAKER_00 30:22

I think it depends, first of all, on how much your soul is calling for the someday. So there's, you know, someday I'm gonna paint the house. Okay. Right? Like it depends on how much you are aching for the someday. And and how for me, I will speak for me, and how I feel leaving something undone if it's that big, if it feels like no, I absolutely have to do this as part of my own self-actualization or being, that's a pretty that's a pretty high priority. And I don't think there's a cost to doing that. I I think there's a cost to not doing it. And somehow I have always just been able to muster the resources to make, to make it happen, whatever it is, to do the experience, to do the thing, um, to do that. So I don't want to like make it overly serious. You know, there are a lot of some days out there, but some things are to me, um, there's no doubt in my mind, it almost feels like a have to in a good way, not in a bad way, but in a good way to feed my soul, to feed who I am as a human being, to learn something, to experience something in a new way. Sometimes a drive to get way far out of my comfort zone because it's it because it's time.

SPEAKER_05 31:49

So I agree, but I I want to add, and and I think some days can be inspirational, right? And if you have the right amount, it motivates you to, in some, in some aspects, achieve something or achieve the next thing, or at least put some goals out there. Where where I think it becomes a risk or a cost, like you say, uh Al, I I think if you have a lot of some some days out there, but kind of an unregulated amount and you're not achieving those some days, I think that there's an exponential risk of feeling like a failure. Or if you do start things, but that don't finish them, someday I'm gonna get back to writing that book. Someday I'm gonna finish writing my TEDx, someday I'm gonna pick up the guitar again. I I think that there's an exponential cost to that. Um, so I I think that there's a there there's a probably a happy medium between, hey, I've got a good list of some days and I've got a good list of I've completed. And in in many folks that I talk to, they have a lot of some days and they don't have the wins. And when you don't have the wins, you don't ever think that the some days are gonna materialize.

SPEAKER_02 33:05

We're writing our own story every single day. Uh we're neuromapping our own belief systems, um our own uh within ourselves. What can we achieve? What can we achieve? Um we are talking ourselves into and out of things. I am a this. I am, you know, it's like have have you noticed? Um you said this the other day, Phyllis, and I don't even think you noticed it at the party. You said, Yeah, I'm a uh, you know, I'm a podcaster. You did not say I do a podcast, you said I'm a podcaster. Did you did you catch yourself at the party saying that? Not even close, yes. Yeah, you said I'm a podcaster. And I'm like, holy shit, she just said that.

SPEAKER_05 33:44

I mean, she does have a toilet paper roll.

SPEAKER_02 33:47

She does. She's wearing a t-shirt with the toilet paper. So anyway, we're we're we're we're mapping these things, and I think that um the the more we don't achieve the things that we believe we should, then it's just obvious that we we we we view that as failure. And I think that's the heavy part of this is you have to well, again, we're coming back to the same thing. You have to accept and and actualize what's a really important.

SPEAKER_05 34:14

I I thought what I said was pretty deep. I didn't realize that it was just obvious, but that's cool. Whatever.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

It was deep. I'm I'm gonna throw in. It's just obvious, man.

SPEAKER_04 34:23

So like if you have a lot of some days and don't do it, like uh it's a it's a it's everybody knows that the people are gonna feel like it's a feeling.

SPEAKER_05 34:31

Thanks a lot. All right, Carbon. All right, Carbon. Sunday I'm not gonna be a podcaster.

SPEAKER_00 34:36

Let me help you out here because I think it's gonna add to your thing. I would like to toss out for our listeners that there are also gifts in walking to your someday, but not getting there if you're open to the idea that there are sometimes things you learn along the way to someday, and maybe you take a different direction. Or maybe the learning was really what was meant to be, not actually the someday thing. That's for everybody to assess on their own. But just because you didn't get there doesn't make it a defeat. It depends on how you look at it.

SPEAKER_02 35:18

Well, and I love what you wrote in in our uh very short brief prep notes, which was shrink the thing. What's the smallest possible version of the someday? That's another approach, right?

SPEAKER_00 35:36

Or someday you get to someday. Sometimes you get to someday and you realize that's not really what you wanted.

SPEAKER_05 35:42

Well that's shisny. And and there's a lot of sums, right? God, in all of that, how many sums are there? There's some day, some thing, somehow, some one, some resources. Sometimes. Sometimes. Like there's so many sums.

SPEAKER_00 36:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:02

Got it. We uh that's another shirt.

SPEAKER_00 36:04

Is there a song there? I feel like there's a song coming.

SPEAKER_05 36:06

Well, you're the singer. I just I'm I'm listening I'm just the visual talent here. I'm just the I'm just I'm the eye candy.

SPEAKER_02 36:14

There are yes, there are so many sums until the time comes that we get the thing done that brings us so much fun. But you know what? It could be another 365 to 10,000 turns of the sun. This shall I say, I will do it anyway. But all these things that get in my way mean it's not possible today, but then it's someday, not today.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

That was well said, but that was good.

SPEAKER_02 36:41

That was the show summed up right there.

SPEAKER_00 36:43

That was good. I I think actually that was like the um that was the intro whatever what Mark always does.

The Cost Of Leaving It Undone

SPEAKER_02 36:50

The mic drop? Did I just get a mic drop?

SPEAKER_05 36:53

I think you did.

SPEAKER_00 36:54

I'll give it to you.

SPEAKER_02 36:55

All right. So, so uh what advice? So, Mark, you opened this bullshit thing. Can of whoop ass. Some days I'm really sorry I did. Yeah. No, uh before we get in, let's let's look at this show. What where are we with this show in someday? Like, let's really, really bring it to uh to uh apex here because I think the question that you proposed is something we need to have a conversation about. You know, someday not right now. No, no, not right now, but it's a perfect example to challenge ourselves. What is our someday with this show? Yeah, and what is today? And I think this show is a microcosm of all of the reasons like what Phyllis, what was You've been dying to say microcosm happy all day?

SPEAKER_05 37:47

He said neurompping earlier. Uh I think he did, right? If it is like $5 word day.

SPEAKER_02 37:52

Phyllis, what is the what did you say? What is the cost of what? What? What is the cost of lefting leaving it undone? How did you quote it? Things undone.

SPEAKER_00 38:05

I didn't want to leave something undone.

SPEAKER_02 38:08

What is the cost of leaving something? Something uh undone. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 38:19

All right. And so when is he what's happening, Mark?

SPEAKER_05 38:22

He's pulling something off the wall.

SPEAKER_02 38:23

No, no, no. I was turning the light on so the people outside knew that I was recording. Um, but what is the cost of leaving something undone? And so that's the question I'd love for us to wrap the show with. Like, if if someone came to you today and said, Hey, I have this dilemma, uming that we've discussed thus far our versions of cost, what stands in the way, um, and and the very core principle that Phyllis has has laid at our feet, which is there is a cost of leaving something undone. Um, and so what advice would you give to somebody who says, hey, I want to do that someday? Um, help me figure it out if I if if I really need to focus on that.

SPEAKER_00 39:14

I would say I would say sit with that for a while. Like you sit with that for a while and figure out what's either what scares you, what's preventing you from making it happen, what would it take to make it happen?

SPEAKER_05 39:28

Spend some time.

SPEAKER_00 39:29

What would what does it look like when it does happen? Right? Like what is what is it, what what do you need to make it happen? I mean, happy to help, but I think each one of us has to sit with that and ask those really hard questions of ourselves, because if you can't face it and you can't name it, then it's just a some day.

SPEAKER_02 39:50

And I think we fantasize more and more about the the grandiosity of these some days without doing that. It sounds good. We're thrown so many different things in so many different directions or from so many different directions, whether it's travel, whether it's opportunities. And so I know that a lot of people don't investigate their some days. Meaning they don't investigate, not to get it done, they don't investigate is it really that important to me? And that's my that's my big advice, is like, which is uh again, I think it's what you just said. You have to ask yourself how important is this? Because life is going to be 20 lanes of traffic. And so if this is a someday, then it moves from a category of a someday to a uh a date in which you realize you're going to achieve it, and then you have to work towards it. Or it just sits in the someday category and you don't sweat it if you don't get to it.

unknown 40:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 40:54

You know, I have a couple of thoughts. One, relating it to toilet paper, you know, when you're you have a full roll, but you only have one roll left, you're like, well, someday I'll go to the store and buy more toilet paper. But it's at that moment you're sitting, you know, on the commode and it's it's just the brown uh you know centerpiece, and you're like, that someday has to be today. What? Or I'm in deep shit.

SPEAKER_02 41:16

You um you were just going so beautifully, and then you rolled out Brown centerpiece.

SPEAKER_05 41:21

Well, you know, you know what I'm saying. Yeah. Um I I I I think that uh the advice that I would give somebody is is somewhere. I think it's it's uh, you know, is this is this really a someday or is is this just a is this just a dream, just a fantasy, just something to think about, right? And if it is, you know, what what are the things? That's good too. You know, what are the things? You know, is it is it that you're scared? Is it that you're afraid you're gonna fail? What's the complexity behind this? What's what's stopping you from doing it? Is it money? Is it is it truly time? Um are you afraid someone's gonna judge you? Are you afraid that you're gonna fail, look foolish, sound stupid, um, the idea is stupid, uh, any one of those things, right? And and I think that you've got to tackle the problem from from where the core is, which is what is the excuse behind it? It may be a priority thing, it may be it may be something else, but um you know, I I I think um I think the the complexity of someday is the fact that um when someday becomes today, um we don't always we're not always prepared for it. Um and so I like your advice, Phyllis. I think uh think about it, spend some time with it.

SPEAKER_02 42:44

Phyllis just sit with it. Sit with it. When uh this is related but not

Advice Then A Real Declaration

SPEAKER_02 42:50

but yet it is. Uh-huh. When you finished, now that you're singing and you've you've not left that thing undone, have you had time to ask yourself the question, what does that mean for your confidence level and motivation to do other things? Not related to singing specifically, because we know that you want to do some other stuff with that and your voice. But is the fact that you achieved that thing that it's not undone, are you sensing that that's gonna have an impact or having an impact in other areas of your life?

SPEAKER_00 43:30

I think the greatest impact is it's given me some clarity um and helped me set some direction for the next chapters, multiple chapters of of my life.

SPEAKER_02 43:48

Can you be more specific? Is it like is there a a certain thing that you've like that you're like, wow, this is I'm now I've now moved this up or I'm now resolute. About this. Or is it too soon?

SPEAKER_00 44:04

No. I think the singing always was about um getting clarity around my voice. And we could do a whole show around what that means. And we shouldn't, but we could. And now that that is clear, I think the pathway is clear for whatever is coming next. I'm I am not clear about what is coming next. I just know that I have the tools and the resources and the competence to do or to face or to sit with whatever that is. And um I kind of I also think that doing this has cleared the pathway for like a big reminder about how much I really love learning new things. Like go all in on learning how to do new things that mean something to me, not all new things, but things that are meaningful to me. Um and fill my bucket, if you will.

SPEAKER_02 45:10

Last question. One thing you don't want to leave as a someday anymore. Declare it. You go first. Um one thing I don't want to leave as someday anymore is producing my show, not specifically keynote. It's a blended, it is the amalgamation of my life's work around uh value, uh, the process, the engagement, my storytelling, but most importantly and most holistically, my connection to human beings. To be in their physical space, to be a conduit for them being in a better place. And I have always dreamed of, I have it written out in iteratively different forms. I have demoed a small vision of it. Um, but there are a series of things that have been standing in my way that we have talked about today that I had that came to my mind, thanks to you guys in this topic, that I have put in my own way that don't have any place, ranging from perfection to time to it has to meet this whatever. Um, but it is my undone. It is my singing. And whether that show ends up being a small little uh venue for 20 people or something big, uh it doesn't matter. I've got to do that, and I'm going to do that show. And I will I will that will not be undone. It'll be done and then hopefully it'll be redone, but I just gotta get it done the first time. And that's oh, that's that's been another problem. I just thought of this. Done versus redone. Someday then you do it. And for some people, raising my hand, I've always thought about how I can do it over and over again because I've thought about it as a business, like it had to have this thing and it had to have this tail of money or attached to whatever versus I just fucking did it because it meant something to me.

SPEAKER_05 47:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:33

Damn, that was that just all got sewed up in the last few minutes. Thank you both. Seriously, I mean, seriously, thank you. Damn, I should have gone last. I was kind of a mic drop, too. You can go, that could be last.

SPEAKER_00 47:48

That could be totally last.

SPEAKER_02 47:50

That can be totally last. So if this shows up at the end of the show, that means that I edited it. No, no, I I think let's leave it.

SPEAKER_05 47:59

I think I'd say let's leave it right there. That's a great way to end the show. Are you okay with that? In fact, this is the complexity of toilet paper.